green evening party selections

I love love LOVE that all you beautiful women out there are holding New Moon rituals tonight. It truly is so wonderful to see so many ladies enjoying their connection to the moon and the night sky and the cycles of the earth tonight.

But I'm feeling some resistance come up for me at the one would say in the self-development world. An emotional block of sorts.

I've been holding New Moon rituals since a time when practicing them was completely taboo and unacceptable-- both in my household AND in my community. I wasn't allowed to light candles or incense in the house. The "cool kids" at school thought my tarot cards were joke. Step parents belittled me, other adults laughed off my beliefs as a phase, or they just asked me if I was high. (I wasn't.)

The guy I had a raging crush on in high school once told me straight to my face that I was a walking cry for help. "Just begging for attention." (At the time, I'd immediately wished I for some REAL fucking magical powers so I could light his shitty varsity jacket on fire before dropkicking his face -- but alas, no such luck. Needless to say there was no crush after that.)

My point? New Moon rituals, and Samhain rituals, and Beltane Fires always felt much more sacred when carried out in secret. Their power more tangible when only a few seemed to know about it, when we were at risk of being stopped. Judged. Forbidden. Persecuted.

Maybe, at the time, working magic in secret just felt familiar for me, because that's probably with the way my ancestors would have practiced. *Look at us now! Generations of women forced into hiding places to pray and worship. It's like a secret club! Isn't this fun?*

I get it. I appreciate it. I do. We've FINALLY reached an era when it's safe to come out of the broom closet, and that's supposed to be something I'm grateful for.

And I AM grateful, in a lot of ways. It's now socially acceptable to hold rituals on a Tuesday, to have an alter in your living room, to carry crystals in your purse and sage the house regularly. That's awesome! We witches have emerged squinting from that dusty broom closet and traded in our cauldrons for Le Creuset pots! Now, instead of dodging evil looks from the church youth group kids and the soccer moms, we're dressing and talking and walking like powerful witches, out in the open, shopping at Urban Outfitters, and we're making podcasts and doing Instagram Tarot readings and talking about Mercury in Retrograde and decorating with bones and geodes and antlers and everything is SO FUCKING MYSTICAL, DUDE.

I am SO grateful to be free. To be a witch, and to live in a time and a place where I can say it out loud without guilt, without fear, and without worry. I guess I just thought this whole era of freedom would feel a whole lot more...freeing.

I thought, when we medicine-women and healers and wise witches were finally liberated, free to climb forth from the woodwork and move about the cabin, we'd come home to a sense of sisterly community? I thought there'd be some homecoming mother-vibes involved, some magnet that would draw us all together, an inner magic so radiant that we could recognize each other--our tribeswomen--from a mile away.

Tonight, as I get ready to practice my solitary New Moon ritual tonight, I look back at all those rituals I did in secret, by myself as a young girl, wishing I could share my spirituality with other women. I craved community so much back then.

But now, I suddenly feel like the little kid who finally got invited to the big kids' party, but decided to leave early because the little kids' party was way more fun all along. I guess you could say I miss my broom closet a little.

Does this mean I am more comfortable in hiding because it's familiar? Probably. Does that make me a bad feminist? Probably. Am I willing to challenge my own erroneous beliefs that Abercrombie models can't be spiritual, miraculous beings? Yeah. Sure. But it's not going to be comfortable or easy.

I'm not going to lie: this trendy witch thing is going to take some getting used to. All of us out here, wearing our magic on our sleeves-- it sure is different. It's even a little scary because its new. I know I'm not special when it comes to witches, so I don't mind getting lost in the crowd here, but the the consumerism and marketing of it all makes everything that used to feel powerful, now feel a little less potent.

? Universe *I know you can hear me* please help a lady out.

? Help me to be aware of myself and others, help me to be patient, and to remember that we are all one, and remind me to celebrate other witches and their freedoms, without judging them. I'm sorry I'm not a perfect dreamy beam of love and light ALL THE TIME. But, then again I'm not THAT sorry. Either way, I'm practicing every day to open up to a flow of giving and receiving without judgement. And deep down, I really DO want err on the side of love and compassion. I DO want to send all my love out there into the world. Even to that kid in the shitty varsity jacket that never caught on fire. He could probably use a warm hug right now. And not the burning kind, just a regular, nonviolent, platonic hug. *promise.* So send him one from me. green evening party selections

And send real loving hugs to all those witches out there tonight on Instagram and Facebook LIVE and also to the ones practicing on their own in private. You go girls. Rock out with yo bad selves. I'll be here, lighting a candle, holding some crystals, cheering you on. ? ? ?